I've been thinking about the disciple John, laying at table next to Jesus. In John's gospel he describes himself as the one that Jesus loved. There is always some question as to why John referred to himself that way. Some think he was arrogant. But, perhaps he referred to himself this way, not because it was easy for him to believe... Perhaps it is because John didn't feel like the beloved. Perhaps he knew he had to commit to knowing, believing, and living his identity in Christ. "I remind myself that I am the beloved." At all times, I walk in my identity, my relationship with Jesus, and I know who I am.
Amplified Bible (AMP)
23One of His disciples, whom Jesus loved [whom He esteemed and delighted in], was reclining [next to Him] on Jesus' bosom.
Check out the Jason Gray song "Remind Me Who I Am"